Monday, February 9, 2009

Why me?

I can just feel the tension running through my body... and I desperately need to de-stress. Where is Rita, my amazing co-worker, when I need her? She would just let me come sit on the couch in her office, shut the door, turn on the spa music and give me an amazing back massage! But she's where she needs to be.. home taking care of her baby. I have had one horrible morning. I'll save the details, but let's just say I have had the worst experience with my OB/GYN practice. I am actually stunned/shocked/appalled at how unprofessional, uncaring and ridiculous they have been. And those I've given the long-story completely agree. I am in a crappy situation where I am basically stuck where I am until I can transfer onto Mike's insurance April 1st and finally switch doctors. I'll be 25 weeks on April 1st, but after today, I will just go to my 20 week appointment (you know, my ultrasound to find out what we're having..which I SHOULD be super-excited about, but I now dread because it means I have to go back to the very practice which has caused me such turmoil.) but then that's it. It won't be the end of the world to just go to my 24 week appointment about 2 weeks late. It's just not worth it to stay where I am.

(Deep breath). This pregnancy has definitely not been what I expected. Thankfully, as of yesterday, I think I am starting to be back to myself... the nausea/vomiting seems to be gone! I just pray that this little one is doing okay. I know I've been under a lot more stress than I should be, first from work, and then from worrying about how sick I've been, and now from dealing with a bad doctor. I did briefly hear the heartbeat today. It's not much to go on, but I'm clinging to that little reassurance that everything is good. I sure don't get any other reassurance or confidence from my doctors. Apparently today, I was lucky to get more than 2 minutes with the doctor (who knew?) But, again on a positive note, I finally GAINED weight!!! I'm still just under my pre-pregnancy weight, but only by one pound!

Can you imagine having a doctor you just met for the first time tell you that "I could tell after two minutes of being in here that you are wound tighter than most patients."?? And when I asked why she would say that, she responded with "because of the fact that I'm still here. (5 minutes into the appt.) Most OB appointments, I'm just in and out." Yeah, that's just the beginning. It's been quite an emotional day. Rarely have I felt genuinely mistreated, but today I was. Saturday, on the phone with one of the midwives, I was. And at several of my appointments, I have been. It's really disheartening... I've never cried so much over doctors!

So... I actually found myself happy to sit in my last work meeting... a meeting where I found out that everything I had told my supervisor was in fact true and that the project I had busted my butt on for weeks was a complete waste of time and I would now have to go back and rebuild what I was told to take apart. But I was happy to think about that because for an entire hour and a half, it took my mind off of my doctor situation. Yes, today, the situation with my doctors actually trumped my job in terms of stressfulness... it takes a lot to do that!


The Esperats said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better!
I'm sorry your doc/midwives situation has been so hard. We're excited to hear if you're having a boy or girl. Where are us girls at now? 4 girls, 5 boys, right? Will you even it out? Hmmm....

Anna Childress said...

Can't believe you're 20 weeks already! I guess it's easier for you to believe since you've felt every day of it. :-( Glad it's getting better, though!

The Wellingtons said...

I'm 18 weeks today Marie :)