Here is my carnal mindset: I know what I really want my life to look like, and where I am now is just a filler until I can get to what I really want.
My dreams: I want to raise godly children who love Jesus and live for Him. I want to be the kind of woman who can call others to follow me as I follow Christ. I want to love my husband in such a way that He is enabled and compelled to pursue all that God has for him. I want to be a blessing in the lives that intersect with mine.
Where am I now: I am working 40 hours a week in Marketing... a field that I don't really feel is my niche, but somehow I have been in for about 10 years. I don't wake up with that feeling of drivenness and motivation, knowing that when I go to work, I am accomplishing what only I can. I tend to think, this is just where I am until Mike's career takes off and we can start a family and I don't have to be the "career-woman" anymore. But what's wrong with that perspective?
- God says: "Whatever you do, work at with all of your heart, as unto Him." You mean I need to not only just show up for work and do what is asked of me, but I need to go above and beyond and put my heart into this, even if naturally, my heart's not in it??
- God provided this job for me and wants to use it to shape me into who He wants me to be. It's not just about gaining some professional-experience that I don't really care about anyway...but I am challenged and tested daily and it's how I live not just what I do that counts. He is developing my character daily.
- My calling is not necessarily the same as my dreams. God may have something for me that I would have never picked myself. I do know that He has put me where I am for the current time. I don't feel that this is my "calling" but I do know that this is where He wants me right now. Why do I comply begrudgingly, like an ungrateful child rather than embrace what is before me?
- I do not know the timing for the next season of my life. Part of my dreams include things that aren't in my life yet. I need to be faithful in a little so that He can entrust me with much. If God is waiting on me to be faithful in my job before He'll move me on, I need to hurry up and get with the program!
- How can I possibly be the person I want to be, in the life that I so strongly desire, if I'm not being that person right now? If my children were watching me right now, and learning how to live, would I be setting a good example? Would I want them to follow in my footsteps? Wow. That's convicting.
God is good. He is so much more committed to my good than I am. It's humbling to recognize what great lengths He is willing to go to in order to make me what He created me to be. If only I weren't so often blinded by wanting the results without the process. If only I would live daily with all of my heart, unto Him, rather than unto myself. Father, I surrender in your mercy and grace and I give you this moment on. Thanks for being patient with me.